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http://www.empireonline.com/empireblogs/empireblog/post/p677
True Blood. Twilight. Moonlight. Blood Ties. Seriously, what's with all the vampires around these days? Everywhere you look, some girl who doesn't think she's special is being chomped on by a delectable centuries-old bloodsucker - and probably also being hit on by the neighbourhood shapeshifter / werewolf* to boot. Cue soul-searching and pining and whining and and self-flagellation (mostly from him, because she'd be safer if he left, but he loves her so much he just can't help himself, damnit), moral dilemnas ("I love him - but is he only after my jugular?") and a storyline that's becoming just a little too ubiquitous at the moment.
What is it with these titles and the millions like them? Why do they all seem to strike some weird chord? Because they do seem to work. They seem, in fact, like catnip to women. Sure, two of those shows got cancelled, but head to your local bookshop, take a look at the (astonishing) number of vampire romances on sale and tell me this isn't still a growing field.
Obviously their popularity is partly down to the same idealisation that takes place in all rom-coms and romantic literature: suddenly men get taller, more chiselled, more gentlemanlike but also (and this is key) a bit more threatening-in-a-good-way. Less bumbling, less hesitant, but also less laddish or messy. The vampires and werewolves in these shows / movies / books are the sort of men you could trust with your honour (they won't talk about you or cheat on you; they will pull out your chair in the restaurant) but definitely not your virtue.
But why vampires? And specifically why, given the choice, do our heroines always seem to go for the bloodsucker over the shapeshifter? After all, the shapeshifter can go out in daylight, can keep your feet warm on cold nights and has the potential to be turned into one of these (admittedly, that may be hazardous). But it's the vampires that seem to hold a particular fascination with a really large number of women. It's been a truism for well over a century that vampires = sex**, but that seems to be particularly true for a generation weaned on Interview with the Vampire and then Buffy the Vampire Slayer (there's probably a woman alive somewhere who fancied neither Angel or Spike, but I've never met her).
But if it were just sex, presumably the werewolves (and similar) would get a look-in sometimes. I mean, I really really don't want to get all graphic or anything, but if it's all about animal lust then surely the animals would be in with a shot. So presumably (and gentlemen, listen and learn here) it's about skills gained over centuries too.
But I suspect there's more to it than just sex. In recent literature, both werewolf / shapeshifter / whatever and vampire have hidden their true nature / recoiled in self-disgust when the heroine reaches out to them, out of shame and a fear of rejection. But somehow the vampires end up accepted because they couldn't help being bloodthirsty killing machines and now survive on just voluntary blood / blood substitute / animal blood, while the werewolves (or similar) are treated like they had a choice. Bit unfair, that - but it does suggest that women are OK with men who genuinely cannot help bad behaviour, but woe betide you if it's felt that you had a choice.
Whatever the reasons, however, my recent reading of Twilight and the Sookie Stackhouse books, and viewing of True Blood, has convinced me that no matter how soaring the production values, no matter how many social issues about drug use or social integration are addressed in the subplots, there remain two problems with the genre: 1. The girls at their centre are wet, and wouldn't fascinate an IT nerd let alone a hundred-year old superbeing. 2. It's becoming predictable.
we've gotta get a new combination of characters. Mummies maybe? After all, vampires are dead, so the whole moldering corpse thing is clearly no bar to good romance, and there's that Buffy episode about the Inca Mummy Girl to use as your inspiration. Or how about Frankenstein? Anne McCaffrey's more genteel twist on the theme in Restoree is surely due a screen outing (arguably that's aliens rather than Frankenstein, but you could twist it either way I'm sure). Just don't give me dark elves / scary life-size fairies and pretend they're not vampires by another name.
But on behalf of us all, I am calling time on all vampire/girl/shapeshifter love triangles (or in the case of the appallingly written and polyamorous bestsellers of Laurell K. Hamilton, love dodecahedrons). Enough is enough - so if you're going to start them from now on, they'd better be at least as smart as Buffy or Angel.
*I really am aware that there's a difference in theory, but c'mon, is anyone fooled? "Shapeshifter"'s just a more socially acceptable werewolf, and we all know it.
**Except for Guillermo del Toro and David Cronenberg, who see it as more of a disease thing.
